Oh, would it be nice if I had some good news and encouragement for this food/diet update! I have been putting this post off since I didn't really want to display my failures. But I know that one of my purposes in blogging this is to have a little accountability for myself and because this food issue is having a profound affect on our homeschooling life.
It's been 16 weeks since dh and I started our "no white flour/no white sugar" type weight loss program. Again, we aren't on any real program but are just using what we've already learned from Prism Weightloss program (2 years ago), The Maker's Diet, Nourishing Traditions (see this awesome blog for great posts along these lines -> Keeper of the Home is able to give great ideas and info), and my nutritionist friend (thanks soooo much Dorcas!). We have learned over these 2 years how to think differently about food and now are just in the depths of talking the talk and working towards what we know should be our goal (not just a number on a scale -but a lifestyle change).
As you may recall from my last progress post on our weightloss, the first 6 weeks of this plan went very well. We both lost 15 pounds, were eating well and holding each other accountable. Reagan (5) and Adam (2) were both doing well with their new allergen-free, rotation diet as well. However, this time the numerical results didn't turn out as well:
DH ->5 lbs
Me -> 2 lbs
(and a massive outbreak of guttate psoriasis)
So what happened this time, you might ask? Well, phase II (the 2nd six weeks) is always harder. Whole wheat bread and white potatoes are allowed again in small amounts. And momentum from phase I doesn't last as long. So I wasn't surprised at Dh results - 5 pounds is just great! But the last time I went through this process, I lost 13 pounds in phase II and know very well that this time I just plain FELL OFF THE WAGON!
I hate saying those words.... *sigh*
I've seen a certain family member struggle with weight their entire life and end up with diabetes. I know that heart disease hits women hard. I don't want to teach my kids poor eating habits. And yet, I struggle each and every day with food!
Not just food but anything with wheat in it seems to be my desire. I found out a couple years ago that I have a sensitivity to wheat. This was something I didn't want to hear and so I ignored for a while. Until I realized that I really did feel better and less tired - when I didn't eat it. And the small bit of plaque psoriasis that I had on my elbows and scalp almost cleared completely up for the first time in my life (I've had it since I was 6!). So I stopped eating most wheat products for awhile.
I failed at this at Christmas which lead to dh and I starting this diet in January.
So when I could have stuck with our plan for better health, I again lost control this March. I could have lost the last 10 pounds of baby weight and fit into my wardrobe by now. I could feel more energetic, be less crabby, and be a better example for the kids.
But instead I ate birthday cake, Chips Ahoy (one roll in a sitting - yes, really), Girl Scout cookies, and then moved to bread and on to the D&D doughnuts. I started hiding foods from dh (my accountability partner!) and started eating in the car. These are patterns that I thought I had dealt with 2 years ago (when I lost Adam's baby fat) with the help of Prism.
The poor weightloss results I could live with - after all, my BMI is fine and I'm a healthy weight/size. But one of the consequences of this "wheat binge" that I was on for 4 weeks is that I've broken out with a nasty case of guttate psoriasis. For those with a weak stomach, read no farther! LOL! In short, it's like the chicken pox rash - redish spots all over that itch and scab if scratched. It really is quite torturous - I can't wear shorts as the weather warms up, I dread the shower since it stings all over, and I had to get acrylic nails (so annoying and expensive) to keep my skin from getting scabby.
All this from eating (again, the better word would be 'binging on') junkfood containing wheat! And I know better! But really I know that it's even more than that - this time through I have been trying to do it on my own. No daily devotional time allotted to this journey (battle) with food and not even any prayer! Now since when can we do anything of our own strength in this life??
I thank God that my dh is determined to help me out here. As I write this post, it's been 2 weeks since I've buckled down to get back to better health.
I will admit that I think almost constantly about cookies and cake, etc. I can't be the only one who experiences this with food! It may be a non-matter for some of you, but for me this is one of my biggest life struggles! It isn't even really about food, but rather about control and dependence. I want control - but God should have it. I eat when I'm not feeling in control (and how often is that with 4 kids? Ha!). I eat to sooth my stress or anxiety - I should be depending on the Lord instead for His comfort. I eat for instant gratification - instead I should wait upon the Lord and enjoy the bountiful blessings that He provides in his good, whole foods!
I know that God has provided good food for us to eat. I enjoy healthy whole foods. So once again, I need to fall to my knees and allow God to help me with this daily struggle. I pray that he will bring health to my body (and to my family as a result) and will take this struggle on His shoulders. An update will be posted in a few weeks!