Equating to the Equine Heart

In an attempt to teach Reagan how to better communicate and to grow her in confidence, we started her on horse lessons this summer. I don't think we could have chosen any better activity for her! Our goal was not that she actually learn to ride the horse well, but that she develop skills that one wouldn't normally see as having anything to do with horse riding, namely understanding the body language of another creature, learning to express her frustrations in a mature manner, building the confidence to direct something "greater" than herself, and learning that perfection is not the goal, rather it's the connection to another 'person' that matters.  She loves animals and so, is much less likely to revert to her typical 'raging' behaviors while around them. They soften her heart so that even when they don't behave she doesn't play the 'blame' game as much with them.

Most of the summer she rode with her teacher leading the horse and so there was no fear for her to deal with at first. She thoroughly enjoyed 2 weeks of summer days camps and learned about breeds, behavior, body parts, cleaning & care, tacking and riding. She began learning to read the body language of the animal both on and off of it (I'm hoping this will make her more observant of other human's body language). She got to know the different personalities of various horses and her confidence grew. She even got to ride in her first local horse show (still on lead) and was encouraged by the ribbons that she brought home.

Recently, her teacher has decided to push her a bit further by teaching her to ride off-lead, as well as learning to trot while working on her form. At this point her teacher gave her a more fidgety horse than the one she usually rode. It continually pulled it's head to the ground or around to look at various things which leaned the saddle this way and that, getting Reagan much more freaked out than she'd been in any other lesson. At one point the horse decided to neigh very abruptly and loudly and Reagan gave out a long scream in response. I almost died laughing (to myself of course) because I knew it was something she would laugh about later and something that she would be able to get over (she's much more forgiving of those horses than her human family & friends). Her teacher calmly told her that she was ok, the horse was only 'singing' and that she needed to learn to let the horse know who's boss. Later, as Reagan walked her horse back to the stable I saw her give it a good shove when it decided to stop to chew grass. I was so proud that she took that control back from the horse even though it had cost her a tearful lesson!

I find it strange how controlling a fidgety horse is actually a difficult thing to manage for my "strong-willed" child!  Even in her school work, I often see her express that she thinks herself incapable of doing things right.  But then I've realized that her strong-will doesn't actually equate to the confidence she'll need as she grows & steps out in the world.

But the horses?  That's *her* thing. There is no older brother to outshine her or little brothers to distract her or mama who doesn't always approach her correctly. It's just her and an animal with it's own mind but loving heart and a very patient teacher. She feels so good that she can care for it, talk to it, make it feel good, make it follow her instruction, and enjoy it all!

I love to watch her ride and plan to continue these lessons as long as we can!

 (With Mikimoto, her favorite Arabian)

(With her handler and her show ribbons)

Introducing Our Newest Blessing!!

Since I haven't been blogging very often this school year, I haven't had the time to harp & complain about journal my 5th pregnancy.  Consider yourself lucky - I was not a happy camper most of the time and I was hoping through it all that this meant I was carrying a baby of the 'female' type! So you get to skip all that jazz and get right to the good part - the sweet, precious, adorable, tiny, unique, and beautiful BABY!! (But first you must sit through the gorey details of the delivery.... hey, I want it written down for the kids' sake!)

Our duedate was January 23rd but I felt nothing close to being ready by that time. January had been particularly stressful for this momma since Reagan had developed chronic diarrhea after a stomach bug (from which we all recovered) and we didn't know why she was so sick. We finally got a colonoscopy scheduled for February 1, *knowing* that dh would be able to take her. We fully expected that I would be home with the new baby.

But durned if that little thing didn't want to bake extra long! She was just nice and comfy and I guess this momma still needed to be available for her other little girl in her time of pain and need.

So NINE days after our duedate, on February 1, Reagan goes in for her procedure and I start feeling what I thought were more braxton hicks contractions after she left. I fed the other kids, got dinner in the crockpot, sat and *listened* to my contractions, read the kids books, and *listened* again. By 11:30 I realized  that those tummy muscles were hitting me every 12 to 15 minutes and I had better doggone well get my bathroom floor scrubbed clean (isn't that your first thought when you realize you're in labor??)! Talk about last minute nesting! My cleaning lady had cancelled that very day due to all the nasty ice we had and I couldn't stand the thought of my midwife seeing the dirty floor (that is, IF she could get there through that nasty ice we were having). What a sight I was, if you could imagine me, hugely pregnant, on my hands & knees in the bathroom and then running around hollaring at the kids to vacuum the floors and pick up toys!

I had started this day out thinking there was no way the baby would come if not by now and that I would just have to be pregnant forever. I gave my dh an awful computer virus for his first birthday gift of the morning and a birthday cake made out of paper (since Reagan was too sick to eat cake, none of us would have it in front of her). It was February and I could not believe there was still a baby inside of me and that I would have to struggle through with a loopy prego brain teach yet another day of school, when all I wanted was a *break* from school (if that's what having a baby really is - lol!). And then there was Reagan, who needed her momma and daddy to help her through her pain and her hospital procedure. The baby just would not be allowed to arrive on this day.

But alas, after I made lunch, my mother-in-law brought Reagan home at 12:30 and my contractions jumped to regular 2 minute intervals. For this reason, dh harped on me for not calling the midwife ASAP and for fixing lunch instead. Thankful to have childcare already there (in the form of a doting grandmother) and a daughter who finally had a diagnosis (albeit, not a good one - ulcerative colitis), I headed upstairs to labor and wait for the midwife and her nurses (who were all soooo lovely, by the way! I felt so comfortable with them). 

The rest is quite boring and likely TMI for ya'll to read anyway. Suffice to say, that 4 hours and 15 mintutes after those first contractions, our second daughter arrived (rather quietly - not much of a screamer, that one) and stole our hearts away! We were not surprised at her size or that she looks more like my dh (he has dominant Romanian genes in his side - just take a look at his mom!). We were not surprised at how amazingly beautiful she felt in our arms either. We were not surprised at how happy we felt to finally see her!

So, may I introduce our 5th child and 2nd (much prayed for by Reagan who "already has enough brothers but if it's a boy,I'll love it anyway") daughter:

Isla Jane

February 1 @ 3:44pm

10lbs and 22 3/4 inches

A lovely birthday gift for which Dave was thrilled! No - that is not a typo - she is a nice big girl (but thankfully smaller than her last two brothers were!)!  Her name is pronounced "eye-luh" and she is 5 weeks old as I post this, so I will just stick the newest shots of her here and post others as I have time. Reagan is so thrilled to have a sister and the boys are enthrhalled with her as well! I can not figure how to give her a *presidential* name for this blog - 'Eisenhower' just doesn't seem to suit a girl. So I welcome any suggestions for a bloggy name for her!

Wordless Wednesday - Reagan Looks Better!

Reagan was very, very sick for the entire month of January and had begun to look thin with circle under her eyes.  She couldn't concentrate on school, so we let it go. She was not very happy or smiley at all through all her pain.

(Her sickest point - the day of her colonoscopy AND the day of her sister's birth)

But I'm posting this, to show just how much better she is looking after a diagnosis and 5 weeks of anti-inflammitory meds. She has gained weight, has returned to school, and has been able to share in the joy of having a new baby sister around here (of whom I will later post photos!)!  I'm so happy that she's feeling better and I thank God!!!

(New haircut & a happy smile!)

Here's the deal....

I've got blogger's block (if there really is such a thing!).  And I'm not too worried about it.

Yes - there are a ton of things running around my head for posting (usually crystal clear at 7am when I'm driving Jefferson to school and nowhere near my laptop).

Yes - I have hundreds of cute and fuzzy photos from the stuff going on around here as the weather warms up (too many to actually sit down and choose from).

Yes - I love leaving posts for my kids to read later and remember their young lives (and how they almost made me crazy).

But I've just not got the time or clarity to get any of it down.  Got the end lessons to push through with Reagan, and a school trip to Plymouth with Jefferson.  A twice-the-size-as-last-year garden which is only now finally sown.  I'm in a brand new place spiritually right now and I just don't want anything to distract me or drag me away from the amazing things the Lord is doing in me.  So computer time has been cut drastically, sleep has been added, and the tube has been all kinds of lonely as I continue to work at getting my prioities straight in this little homeschool/family.

But I feel great and am hoping to be given a smidge of time soon to journal a few things for my kiddos.  With that said - now to bed early.  Good night!


Oh!  And also, JEFFERSON IS COMING BACK TO HERITAGE ACADEMY again next year for 4th grade!!  How awesome is that?? (insert delighted squeal and beaming smile HERE) Details later - I promise.....

How Does THAT Taste??

Wanted to post an update on our progress with the new food plan for this year based upon 'The Gut and Pyschology Syndrome' book (aka GAPS) and similar also to the Specific Carbohydrate Diet.  I've already posted our reasons for this venture here and here and our basic plan, here.  Many of you have seen frequent (and sometimes strange) posts on Face*Book (green burgers, duck, bone pate, etc.).  Stephanie at Keeper of the Home has also just started this and has done a better job of explaining it all here and here than I.

So far we have been in the Introduction to GAPS, which is a very restricted version on the full GAPS diet aimed at jumpstarting the gut-healing process with extremely digestible and well cooked foods, along with the addition of huge amounts of fats and bone broths.  In this period our diet consists mostly of water/broth cooked meats and veggies with lots of fats in soup form.  Each week we add a new food - slowly.

(Veggie soup w/ leftover roast duck)

We started by adding:

• lactofermented veggies (real saurkraut, beet kvass, pickles, salsa)
• avacado (not the best results - we'll try again later)
• raw egg yolks in soups
• eggs scrambled in large amounts of fat (we think all the eggs were producing dry skin and itching in Rae & Adam so we'll try adding them again later; I am desparate to be using eggs as they are so nutrtious, cheaper than meat, and great for baking)
• nuts (soaked first and dried in the oven) - we are definitely overdoing these as they seem to be our only allowable snack right now.  I think they may reacting to these but plan on keeping them in.
• raw veggies (lettuce, cucumber, carrot, salad so far)

And soon to be added:

• cooked fruits
• raw fruits
• try the eggs again
• try avocado again
• ghee (clarified butter)
• goat yogurt (can't wait!!!!)
• goat and/or coconut milk kefir (very high in probiotics)

(Stuffed peppers ready for the oven - kids love these!)

So what does our daily menu look like around here, right now? Well, it may seem rather strange or bland to others but we are loving it and eating quite a few new (to us) things!

Breakfast:

• Pork sausages (from the farm) or homemade turkey sausage patties
• Bone broth leftover from dinner with whatever veggies are left in it (sometimes we add more)
• Jefferson and I and dh have 3 eggs fried in lard or coconut oil since we seem to handle them well enough
• Probiotics

Morning snack (1 of these):

• bone pate sometimes with carrot sticks for dipping
• almond butter with carrot sticks
• handful of soaked and dehydrated nuts or seeds
• soft boiled egg (for myself)
• cup/bowl of leftover broth
• leftover sausages (although it is very, very rare that any are leftover as the kids eat like horses right now)
• no fruit yet - not enough gut healing has ocurred yet to try these
• beef jerky (no sugar or additives - got mine from the Leola Amish Market and proceeded to try to burn an eyeball out when I somehow got some of the black pepper in it!)

Lunch:

• either chicken or beef bone broth in large pot (haven't braved the fishy broth yet)
• tons of whatever veggies I have (turnips, cauliflower, brocolli, onion, carrot, spinach, squash, green beans, etc.) chopped into the pot
• some type of meat (sausages, meatballs, beef roast cubed, chicken, duck, ground meat) cooked in pot before veggies go in
• sometimes butternut or acorn squash mashed with coconut oil, smidge of honey, spices
• dose of lactofermented veggie juice

Dinner:

• salad with carrots, cucumber, soaked sunflower seeds, EV olive oil, raw apple cidar vinegar, Herbamare
• roast chicken/duck/beef roast (onion, celery, sea salt, spices)
• veggies (turnips, onions, shrooms are my fave) roasted in seasalt and lard
• squash (if we didn't have it for lunch)
• dose of lactofermented veggie juice
• dose of cod liver oil
• probiotics

(Duck bone broth - beautifully gelatinous!)

We are just now starting to step away from the soup, soup, soup stage to roasting and pancooking meats and sauteeing veggies.  But every meal still must have a cup of bone broth and lactofermented veggies as well as a ton of fat.  I spoon globs of it (tallow, lard, coconut oil but no butter yet) into every bowl/cup of broth for the kids and am trying out things like "fudge" made from coconut oil, honey, vanilla, and almond butter.  The kids love the 'zingy' salad and the 'zingy' fermented veggies and only struggle with disliking zucchini and mushrooms so far.  And although our guts aren't ready for such things every day, we can still have a GAPS friendly treat for special occasions, such as Reagan's birthday (almond brittle, date rolls, coconut macaroons, coconut cupcakes).

(Roast duck, roasted veggies in lard, butternut squash 'pancakes' - my favorite meal so far!)

After about 8 weeks, the results are not so easy to quantify.  The obvious is that the kids' (R, A, and L)eczema cleared up right away and all the poo (sorry but that's what we watch these days!) in the house except for Lincoln's is normal (this is the first time for this for Adam - ever!).  But another observation is that Adam has not caught a single virus since we started!  This is the child who has caught every bug that's come around since he was 11 months old!  He hasn't missed any school (nor complained about his sausage snacks in the face of Gold*fish) due to illness either.  His speech therapist has noticed a major jump in his speech progress as well as his social progress improvement at preschool.  Lincoln also seemed to burst forth with speech growth although he is still struggling with constipation (possibly due to leftover issue from his bouts with antibiotics).  I felt great for the first 3 weeks but now find myself to be tired and am wondering what's causing that.  I lost my last bit of baby weight (9lbs) and leveled out.  All the kids are full and satisfied with each meal and I often get a "thumbs up" from Adam (so stinkin' cute when he does that - usually comes with the words "totally awesome!").  Allergy season is starting up and in all of the nice days we've spent outside, we've only had to give Adam allergy eyedrops once.  Last year he was living on steroids just to keep his eyes from puffing closed! Of course, I'm hoping that this improvement will continue and get him through the worst of the pollen season yet to come.

(Happy kiddos reading, reading, reading!)

We still have a way to go, especially with Adam.  I am hoping to see their behaviors even out a little more as they adjust to the higher doses of probiotics ("die-off" of 'bad' bacteria can cause quite some yucky bouts of tantrums!).  I am more than ready to start adding some more foods in - especially those eggs!  The meat budget is killing me and I can't really use dairy, or eggs, or beans even to set it off.  I don't have enough room in both fridges for veggies to stretch 2 weeks and my farm runs have to be frequent also so my errands are increased around here.  Add that to the running and financial burden we are feeling from having Jefferson in away school and it's not so easy to make work. Can you say, "Holy pricey grass-fed beef, Batman!"  Where's my 99cent box O' macNcheese when I need it - lol!

I am glad however, that the kids and dh love the foods, that we live in Lancaster - a wonderful farmland full of good foods (and whole food eatin' peeps), that we are all feeling better from eating better, and that we aren't spending so much on eating out or snacks.  I feel great, even if tired, when I place a good hearty meal in front of the fam that I know is working to heal them instead of harming them.  I am thankful that we all enjoy the taste and are full with each meal.  There is no more stress from hearing a child tell me their tummy hurts after I feed them something processed!

I'll tell ya - it tastes great around here!!  God's leading has been fruitful (as usual)! Recipes and more photos to follow soon....

Baby Book Entry for Lincoln

I could not resist blogging about our youngest, fattest toddler - Lincoln (aka "FatFat", "LumpLump", Lumpy Bear", "LubLub").  His baby book is in a sorry state (as is usually the case for babies who arrive anywhere after second place!) and I don't want to forget just how amazing he is at this age - 28 months!

He has always been mammoth a big boy and unlike Adam, kept his health and muscle and fat as he grew into toddlerhood.  He met his milestones and his silly, playful personality blossomed.  He loved to copy his older siblings and try to keep up with everything that they do.

But at 27months, we weren't really paying attention to his motor skills and the extent of his vocabulary was "Mahmoo", "Dahdoo", "car", and "star."  With the speech and motor and auditory processing delays we've seen in Adam (4) and the auditory and sensory processing delays in Reagan (7), I guess we just didn't think twice about fretting over where Lincoln would fall in his development.  We just expected to meet whateever needs he may have, as the Lord led us - just as with the others.

Just last month, however, we were surprised to see a huge jump in his development - namely his speech but also in other areas.  In just a few days of time he moved from starting with 1-word communication to using 3 words in a sentence!  We were shocked that he could sing many of the words to his favorite nursery rhymes.  He could ask for "want more nuts" or "need a coat" or "read a book."  He sings "Jesus Loves Me" with us already! All from nothing!  Obviously he had been quietly soaking up all the world's input around him.

We also noticed that he is able to do fine motor activities such as gripping crayons (something that Adam has only recently started doing) and playing with big brother's tiny Le*go sets.  He started using his sign language at the same time the words started coming out (we'd tried signs for the last 12 months since he wasn't talking, but to no avail!!). He doesn't fall down all the time or sit funny or turn his legs funny but runs as fast as he can after his siblings and piles on top of them.  He can climb in and out of crib on his own (again Adam could not so this surprised us) and turn door knobs to open them.  He will not be left behind and insists on doing everything that he can  by himself - zipping, feeding himself, putting on his shoes, page turning, playdough, coloring.  His independent nature amazes us - he is the most determined of the four for sure!

We've also noticed that he knows his colors and most of his shapes.  He seems to be learning them from the things that Adam works on (at home and at perschool) and from the tons of books that he insists on being read to him (thankfully Reagan loves to read to him too)!  Tonight as I was being silly with him at bedtime, I noticed that he could copy any face that I made at him - sad, mad, puckered lips, silly half opened mouth.  This seemed strange that he could actually do this!  Is this what 2yo's  are supposed to be able to do??  I don't recall these details from my others (certainly not Adam) since I don't write enough of it down nor can remember far enough back.  I would like to think that our new food plan helped to jumpstart this progress (Ms. Speech Therapist has seen a huge improvement in Adam as well), but I don't know - only that his speech showed up the week after we started the diet. Hmmmm...

Anyway, I just had to get these things down....before they slip away and out of my memory and into the chaos and noise and busyness of life.  The unique personality and development of our fourth little blessing just thrills me and reminds me of God's obvious work in our family!

The Tough Parts of Homeschooling...

No one could have prepared me for how difficult it is to teach your children while also managing the rest of life in the house. But the juggling of cooking, reading, training, teaching, cleaning, organizing, researching, etc. isn't what I'm finding to be the toughest part of teaching my children.

So far, I've found that getting them through their own frustration or learning blocks is so.very.hard. 

For example, when I sit to teach Reagan how to add 2-digit numbers for the fourth time and she starts crying the instant that she can't throw me an answer - this is when I struggle.  I think right away of how a 'professional' educator would know what to do - how to make her see the numbers more clearly.  I think of how if I could just keep my tone of voice more even it wouldn't trigger her emotions.  I think of how I shouldn't be, but truly am, irritated that another lesson is brought to a crawl by tears.  I wonder at how she got to thinking in the first place that my expectation is so sky high!  So many times, I've told her (as I see her tensing up or heading toward frustration) that school is about repetition, practice, learning by doing - and not about right answers....

And yet we sit.  Me staring out the opposite window and biting my lip and praying.  She crying and rubbing her eyes. Both of us waiting until her brain is functional again ("Crying shuts your brain down Rae. It just doesn't work right when you get upset") so we can salvage the lesson.  In the background, I hear a timer for something cooking/burning and/or the younger ones either screaming at each other or screaming in play or screaming about a boo-boo.  The phone rings and I hope that the message tells me that's it's not a pressing call of any sort so that it doesn't add to my mind's diversion.  I can not seem to help but feel the pressure of time, since there are so many other things as well as other little people that need my attention.

But...
I am thankful that I am her mother.  That I know her heart and mind well.  That I don't have to believe the lies my enemy tells me about my own teaching ability.  I am thankful that this is not every day every lesson at Heritage Academy. I am thankful that I know her heart will be softer when she is finished crying.  I am thankful that I don't have to meet anyone's else's goal for her - only that of her own growth rate. I am thankful that I can tell when she's ready.

And as I sit and think on all that I'm thankful for, it seems but a moment when I feel tug on my sleeve and we hug and we start again with "I don't expect perfection, Reagan, only that you try and that you accept it when I correct you.  You don't need to cry - that makes lessons no fun.  Let's try again, okay?"

I am not always patient - definitely not.  But I know that Someone is trying to make me so with the tough parts of homeschooling...



[Monica over at Shine Again understands the tough parts as well - she practically wrote the words from my head in her latest post so I had to share it.]

A Letter to My Children

To my four little ones,
I have no talent for words, nor ability to spin a tune for you.  I don't offer any magnificent or wondrous manner of charm or humor. I simply want you to know about my love for you. How deep it runs.
A wide, wide river could not hold the love I feel for you each. But it is yet a minute drop next to the love of Christ.  Your Maker.

You are valuable beyond what you could imagine, for you have been carefully thought out. Planned with a purpose in this life. Brought to fruition in these adorable little people that you are.  That He would see fit to lend you to me for a time, short though it is, is uncomprehensible.  I don't deserve.

But therein lies His love. Always shown in ways unfathomable to us. There is none worthy of such love. And yet....

An imperfect and weak momma that I am - given care of such gifts.  Given stewardship and told to build His legacy here.  With you each. 

But I fail (...My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness). You know it, even with your young hearts.  That the flesh is not fully sanctified.  That I can't be what you need.  For if so, what then of the work of the cross? Useless if your momma was perfect for you!  And so I remind you that my love, deep, deep and so very strong, is but a twinkle in the light of His for you each. Is not what you need in this life.

I hope (desire, pray, long, aspire to my very depth) always to point you to God's Truth. His salvation. But you must do the walking.  Listen to me, my dears. You must do the walking.  He will take you - arms open wide, for your wages have been paid as well as mine.  You were made for Him - not for me (thankful to share, to have this wisp of time with you, sweet ones from my womb).  He asks only that you believe.  Not that you become perfect. Not that life is easy. Not that no one ever offends you. Not that you work to deserve (we could never....).

Accept his Grace, given to the making of sun-blinding brightness. White! (No longer rags....).

This.  This is my love for you.  That you would see our Lord in my walk (in my path - purposed by Him).  The part that runs side by side with yours each, if for but a whisper of a moment.

I delight in you each!  My heart is burdened with this wide, deep love for you - such an exalted goal (above all worldly things!).  I pray for you (In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness;for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;...)  For your path.  That it may lead to His truth and salvation.  That we may each be all united in such a glorious presence, as we have never even imagined! His.

Love, grace and peace,
Mommy

Wordless Wednesday - My Sweet Valentine

October 11, 1997

(Barry Wolfe, Photographer, Fallston, MD)

And to think that this guy came up to me my the first day of my freshman year at Drexel University and introduced himself even though my face clearly said "Please do not speak to me cuz I am too freaked out about being away at school and I don't wanna know you no matter how cute you are!"  He also thought it would be funny (5 mo later) to stick his finger in my back and ask me for all my money the day after I was mugged (although he didn't actually know about the mugging and the dimples helped convince me!).  He talked me into joining the crew team (I'm sure just so that I could enjoy the view - lol!) and then I didn't see him around campus for a while.  Wasn't until 3 years later that we even started dating and the rest is history!

Time for theYearly Resolutions!

So many things on my mind that could use work...be changed...improved.  So many things that would fit nicely on a list of resolutions and look so nice with a fat checkmark next to them.  It could be an 'easy' list or an 'unreachable' list, depending on my mood at the time of writing it.  And everyone who knows me understands just how much I.love.a.list!

But I often find that my list of resolutions each year can become burdensome ... bearing guilt instead of accountability, considering the perfectionistic nature which I have.  Causing bouts of doubts in my faith and walk with the Lord.  Dragging me down with reminders of what I am unable to change by myself, as I so often try to do.  And as much as I love a list, I can hardly stand even a smidge of it to remain UNchecked!

This result throughout and at the end of each year is clearly is not God's plan for me - His is to bless me and not to harm me; for me to seek Him with all my heart.

Since this is the way I have been wonderfully made, I think that this year I will make my so-called 'list of resolutions' out of scripture instead and post them on my kitchen cabinets to remind and encourage and remain in my heart & mind.  In this sense, I know that I will NOT be attempting to change myself and thus NONE of them will get a nice little checkmark.  And in this little way, I am hoping to allow the Spirit to more freely move in my life and grow me into all the things that a "list" of personal resolutions would instead have me trying to accomplish of my own strength!  Sound like a plan to you?

So here they are:
*"But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith."  1 Tim. 1:5

*"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery"  Gal. 5:1  (I am no longer in bondage to food, anger, yelling, pride, controllingness, laziness...)

*"But seek first first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matt. 6:33-34  (Heaven knows how I worry & fret & get distracted away from God!)

*"Let no unwholesome word proceed from our mouth, but only such a word as is good for the dification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear it.  Do not grieve the Holy Sprit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption."  Eph. 4:29-30 (I have great difficulty using my words properly with my family)

*"Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better'"  Luke 10:41-42  (All you Marthas out there know exactly why this one is on the list!)

*"It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life."  John 6:63 (My flesh cannot change me - only the Spirit can give me life and give it abundantly!)

*"The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."  James 5:16b (I should always remember to pray more often and sincerely)

Blogging Woes and Entering the realm of 'away' school....

When I last posted I never expected to be away from the blogosphere for so long! It's not that I have a list of readers or have anything valuable to share with the sphere. These I do not. My disappointment in my absence comes from the fact that my primary use of this forum is to leave a path of journaling by which my children can get to know me better later in their lives and use it to reflect back upon their early lives, where their memories do not have access. So I plan to make it my priority this week to get this post finished, since it entails the details of one of our biggest family life changes to date - moving Jefferson to from home school to 'away' school.

Ahhhh...where to start, where to start....

Let's begin in the first week of August, after 3 weeks of home school break (from 2nd gr and K)for the kids and teacher planning for me. We dove into Core 3 of Sonlight curriculum and I was just loving it. Teaching from a history core is just such a great way to infuse the student with multiple levels of knowledge of the era being covered! The early explorer's are so interesting. I loved reading "Walk the World's Rim" (by Betty Baker) while he read "Pedro's Journal" (by Pam Conrad), a story about Christopher Columbus's first journey to the America's, by himself. Although the book started out roughly, "Walk the World's Rim" gave us many character lessons from which to learn and I was soon saying to him, "Maybe those two are just walking a different trail?" to indicate to him that the characters were not understanding each other's view on life. I pointed out examples of this in relationships around us. Little did I realize that I would soon be pointing it out to him about our teacher/student relationship!

While trying to push (and I WAS pushing, not encouraging) Jefferson to do as much of his work as he could WITHOUT coming to me every 3 seconds with unneeded questions, I was also trying to step up Reagan's lessons to include phonics (20 mins), reading (20 mins plus read aloud time), math (30mins), science (15 mins done daily with Jefferson reading it for her), and history (15 mins reading or small project), as well as one art lesson and art project per week. This was a significant work load increase from her Kindergarten lessons (phonics & math daily) and barely could fit into the workload that I was trying to accomplish with Jefferson. I couldn't seem to teach both of them at the same time as Jefferson refused to focus if another kid was in the room and as every hs mom of multiple students knows, that's practically impossible!

I soon found myself pulling my hair out in frustration as Jefferson cried when he couldn't complete something efficiently and Reagan cried because I was pushing her too hard to complete her lessons quickly. He could never attempt his work on his own and then come to be with the questions he gathered. Rather he would interrupt Reagan's lessons multiple times until I yelled at him and was then too frustrated to be patient with her (something she really, really needs in order to learn). I couldn't read her even one paragraph with focus and I could tell she wasn't processing very well the information I was reading.

I was exhausted and tried to chalk up my troubles to our normal beginning of school stress. After all, every other year was tough in the beginning. I hoped that it would work itself out as we got comfortable with our new routine and lesson load. But instead, Jefferson snapped at me all day long until I snapped back. He constantly asked me what he could do and never occupied himself (except when reading a book - believe me, I worked hard to have tons of reading available for him) while the younger two were transitioning to a lovely new stage of screaming at each other and not sharing and thus adding noise and chaos to the day as well. The assignments were getting checked off of both of their lists while I went to bed tired and feeling guilty for my lack of patience and my tone of voice. And other than the tears and perfectionism she displayed in lessons, Reagan quietly occupied herself and didn't notice that she was getting the short end of the academic stick. It's not like she was begging me to sit and read to her (read-alouds were one of the first things to get skipped each day with our time constraints). But I knew that with her learning differences, she needed more, not less time, than Jefferson received when he was in first grade!

So after a particularly bad Friday, Jefferson and I were both crying at lunch as we tried to explain to the principal Daddy just how rough it had gotten. Dh called one of the two Christian classical schools in the area to set up an appointment and get some info. Keep in mind that this was the Friday before they began their classes! We didn't know how to meet our family's needs (put Reagan in school or Jefferson or change our curriculum or get counseling or what), but knew that we needed to change something major.

It was clear and evident. And really, really, really hard for me to accept.

After the Friday meeting with Day.spring Chris.tian Academy, we prayed and prayed all weekend about what we would do for the spiritual health of our family. We talked with our closest friends and asked our FB friends to pray for us. And I cried and cried and cried. Although I hadn't meant it to happen, home schooling has become more of my identity than I realized and now I felt like I was failing or giving up my son, in some way. Even with all the struggle in our one month of home schooling, I hadn't expected the Lord to lay THIS on our lap!

But it felt like the right thing to do. Jefferson thrives in structure, excels in academics, and never talks back to adults other than his parents/grandparents. And his walk with the Lord was not being strengthened or nurtured by the frazzled, short, and impatient mother who was teaching him school. We felt that we should give academics over to this classical christian school so that we could work on tying strings of love and fellowship with him instead, as well as providing the needed time and attention for Reagan to do well in first grade.

So we enrolled him on DCA's second day of school. And I cried some more.

It was busy, busy, busy getting used to the driving routine to drop and pick up as well as extra things such as getting lunches ready and uniforms bought and washed. I had to run to the store for school supplies at the same time as the rest of the country only to find most of them gone. Reagan missed about 7 days of school amidst all the meetings with teacher's and evaluator's. And this after being a 'laid back' home school schedule for 3 years - you know, breakfast done by 9:00 and lessons started by 9:30, lunch whenever it fits and naps after that. I prayed that we would get used to the restrictive schedule and still be able to provide for the specific needs of each child. I prayed that Jefferson would fit in well and pick up the little things about school that he had missed from being educated with different curriculum.

After one week, we got an email from his 2nd grade teacher telling us that he was doing almost"too well" for 2nd grade. So I questioned our decision to have him take 2nd grade again and I prayed for direction. After another call from the school telling us that he was 'flying through his evaluation tests' and a meeting with the 3rd grade teacher (a woman highly recommended by other parents), we moved him into 3rd grade. Another adjustment for him and more fretting for me! Such little faith at a time when God's leading was so clear to us! Sigh....you'd think I'd learn - lol! We prayed much for him and I studied his 'new' phonics and 'new' grammar (Shurley Grammar, which I had bought but chosen not to use - go figure!) so that I could help him "catch up" after his first week in 3rd grade.

But then I got an email from his teacher telling me that he aced both his grammar and his phonics tests! In every area he was doing well!

And I praised God instead of crying anymore. He is soooo very good and lead us so clearly and has provided for Jefferson and our family so perfectly. Jefferson is so happy at school and clearly does well academically (and socially - he's never had a problem there). Reagan is getting wonderful time with all of her lessons and is actually enjoying them and learning from them. I LOVE having more time with her - she is blossoming like a sweet rose!! And I even have time to read to the younger boys - one of my favorite snuggly times. Even with the extra driving....

So all that to try to put in words the process our family has been through these past two months that has rocked our world and even my faith. I hope that when the Lord brings us a new change in direction in the future, I can say that I have learned something from this and that my faith has grown. I hope that the kids (in the future) will know how much we want for their walk with the Lord and they will understand that we are willing to give up OUR plans for them so that the Lord's will prevails and blesses them instead.

And please, if you think about it, pray for us as we continue to adjust, that our family would grow stronger in faith and in our walk with God.....

Observable Progress: Figuring out our Dear Daughter - Part 4

It's been about a year since dh and I determined to dig in our heels, pray more specifically and try to figure out the source of the behavioral issues we had with our little Reagan. You can see how our journey began in Part 1, 2, and 3.

So... I am glad to be able to post such good news about our journey with the Lord to better understanding and helping her over this year!! This is definitely a post of praise and I want to share it not just as a dairy of this part of Reagan's life, but as an encouragement to other families who are dealing with children who are "non-compliant" and don't seem fit the "mold" in behavior or development. Also, I want to be able to look back and always remember what our Father has done in us, the parents, along this process as well!

As many know, Reagan is a beautiful little girl with a grand imagination, great memory, strong will, and lightning quick temper. We love her dearly but were unable to train her to control her compulsions and thus her anger displayed in such out of control behavior that we basically housebound her (while I lived half each day in tears in the bathroom!). Part 1 explains what we faced each day in more detail....

Our first step (last Jan. when she was almost 5) was to begin PRAYING for specific guidance as to what we should do (sounds obvious but sometimes we need God to force us to lean upon Him more I think). We went to a family counselor to get direction on what we needed to change in our parenting and were told to HAVE HER EVALUATED by a psychologist, which we did in Feb.

Her evaluation results gave us some great insight into her inner working and offered us books, methods, and resources to use to improve specific learning skills as well as behavior. We were so thankful for the fact that she had only a slight auditory processing problem but were well aware of the work that lay ahead of us. At the same time that we were digesting all the new info from her evaluation (and praying, praying, praying) we looked at her DIET. Changing her diet by removing all food sensitivities and then rotating what was left, helped her gut to heal and her skin to stop itching. This was the first time we noticed improvement in her behavior, with better sleeping and fewer tantrums.

But this was only the beginning of our "Operation Bolt of Lightning" (so named after the nickname she had earned for her unpredictable and turbulent behavior in her short 5 years with us)! :-) There were ups and downs, moments of real progress as well as bouts of backsliding. And many were the things that God was teaching us about her along the way! As parents we worked hard on keeping calm and not allowing her to push our buttons (I wish that we could say that none of her behavior was related to us but that would be so irresponsible of us). We worked to be more CONSISTENT in our expectations, rewards, and punishments so that she could feel safe and like she was on rock solid ground with us - always knowing what to expect. We learned to work toward her strengths - praise, praise, praise and hugs, hugs, hugs - were like magic medicine in this house in avoiding volatile explosions. Colors, tactile learning techniques, music all spoke volumes to her. Keeping our instructions s.u.p.e.r short and to the point while teaching her to use words to explain her emotions helped tremendously.

In September we sent her to a SOCIAL SKILLS CLASS through IU13 for the fall. It was only once per week but I will admit that I thought it would produce no change. But the Lord had other ideas and was already clearly working in her heart (and all of our lives) to heal and grow her (for His glory!). This class gave her words for communicating better, verbal cues to help her calm down, and the knowledge that she had the choice to change her behavior regardless of others' behavior.

But most importantly of all was when I was blessed enough to have been given the privilege of leading her to RECEIVE JESUS as her Savior one evening in July! I remember praying each day after this that we would see fruit in her life and I am convinced that slowly but surely the Holy Spirit has been growing and improving her!

We see so much EVIDENCE of this that I feel like I could write a book about it! I no longer dread each day - the time that she wakes up - knowing that even if she is a bit grumpy, she won't give me a screaming, raging fit. I no longer find myself crying in the bathroom or emotionally drained from 5 or 6 huge blowouts each day. I no longer dread teaching her kindergarten. Her fits are much smaller in magnitude (crying and bounding her arms and legs a bit while rubbing her eyes hard) and fewer in number (2 or 3 times per week instead of twice that per day!). Instead she is learning to let me know that she's sad or needs a hug or just doesn't like what I've told her to do. She has become a great helper and actually loves to please me and dh (pleasing us was never a motivator for her before!). We are learning to read her body language better so that we can help her to communicate. She is happy and smiling most of the time and shows much greater kindness to her brothers and I can tell that she feels less turbulence overall.

So now, she seems like a normal 6 year old (with a rational amount of training required), she enjoys school (with me always on the lookout for cues and tactics to better speak to her), and talks about how much she loves to please Jesus (this warms my heart more than anything else)!! We know that there is more work to be done (I mean really - when are we ever "done", right?)and we are glad (so hugely grateful!!) for the God-given wisdom to be able to understand her better, train her better, and guide her towards serving Christ in all she does!

1 Year Old Lincoln

Wow! Can it really have been an entire year since your amazing entry into our lives?


It felt like such a long time to wait for your arrival once we knew of your creation and your siblings waited so excitedly too. But you took your own sweet time, baking for 40 1/2 weeks until you had reached the ripe and hefty size of 10lbs 14 oz and 23 1/2in long. However, when it was time, you didn't waste any. The Lord must have known what a wimp your mommy is (seriously - I whine about paper cuts and pulled cuticles!) and spared me with your 3 hour labor and delivery! I was surprised that your first cry sounded so much like your big brother Adam's did and I thought it was strange that I could remember that detail over 2 years later.


Your daddy and I were so happy to welcome you to our family that chilly October day. You were so alert and looked so much like Adam.....

But this past year has shown you to be as unique and specially made as your three siblings. Your looks seems to be different everyday that we see you. So many who've met you remarked that you were the sweetest and happiest baby they ever met (okay, I may be a bit biased.... but they really did say it was so and I agreed!).

You have learned quickly that you need to make noise to be heard in this house - and make noise you do! Anytime that Adam comes near you to try to poke your nose, you start swingin' those arms and screeching. You often attack your offender by diving at them with your teeth bared. Yikes! This was cute at first but it is something that has shown us your strong determination as we've tried to teach you not to bite. Your curiosity is insatiable at this age, and house proofing you is quite the task. I can't help but smile as you chuck off the opposite direction as fast as your fat legs can crawl when you hear me approach while you're doing something "no-no!"

How amazingly adorable you are - you are so valued by all of us! We love to watch you learn and grow and we enjoy every day with you. What a wonderful year this has been with you, my darling Lumpy (don't worry, we won't call you that for long - you're already slimming out, much to my dismay)!

Happy First Birthday!

Normal frustrations, I'm sure...

So I'm sure I'm not the only one who deals with such things, but refuting a negative attitude during lessons is becoming more of a struggle as the kids get used to this homeschooling thing. I'm finding it hard to divide between the teacher-me and the mommy-me and I think this is showing up as more occasions for discipline occur during lessons.

*sigh*

I guess this is just one of the realities of being a home educator that is starting to set in. Or maybe it's just part of our personalities clashing as the kids get older and more independent? I mean, Jefferson and I are practically identical so when my tendency to be controlling or bossy comes out in me and in him at the same time -it's a recipe for arguing and tears. And then, why is it that a 7yo boy is so insistent that he already knows everything anyway? And when the slightest request for repetition or giving of direction on my part causes Reagan to whine and fuss so the lesson gets dragged out forever, I have to bite my lip and persevere in my own self-control. Her slowness in accepting my direction or her insistence on completing a sheet perfectly, makes me want to pull out my hair at times.

If I didn't have the Lord Jesus as my savior, I would be angry and sad and hopeless and frustrated (actually I likely wouldn't be homeschooling, as He is the one who called us to it). But I am so thankful that He helps me to remain calm, to be better than I was yesterday, to show patience in the face of 7yo attitude and 5yo whining, and to show love instead of barking my anger. I am never more aware of the difference the Lord makes in my relationship with the kids than during school lessons sometimes, since these can be such testing times. I am so very far from where I think I need to be, but I pray for His grace to cover my failures and I am thankful for each opportunity that I have to spend teaching them through my actions and responses.

3rd week of our 2nd term - excitement of the new year wearing off. Yeah... just normal frustrations, I'm sure...

A New Friend

Of what value is a good friend? Can we ever truly measure?

I have found (as you may have also) that homeschooling can take so much time that I don't have (hmmm... or should I say 'make' in order to take due responsibility) enough time to connect with other homeschooling moms, to develop and cultivate relationships that support the path that God has put me on, keep me spiritually nourished, as well as enable me to encourage and be of use to other women on this path.

This is why I am so pleased that God has placed another wonderful family in our lives! Today we had over a mom and 3 of her 4 homeschooled kids, whom my dear mil recently introduced to us. I met her a few months ago at her home and drooled over her spacious and organized lesson room while Jefferson played outside with her kids. I noticed right away how gentle her nature was and how kind her children were. She is interested in the same type of nutrition as I am, has 3 kids of similar age as mine, uses Sonlight curriculum. She and her dh manage a campground facility and have done great things there in the short time they've had the job.

Today we got to know each other better amid (amazingly!) 7 kids. Hers were so well behaved that I prayed silently that our little bolt of lighting (Reagan) wouldn't let loose one of her lovely tantrums. But then I realized that she wasn't the type to judge anyway - phew. Jefferson was at ease and acting like himself (he's usually quieter with new people), Reagan dove right into the mix, and I was surprised that 2.5 yo Adam warmed up so quickly too. Of course, kids know when someone is a "kid-loving" kind of person (aka "genuine") and he loved it that their mom got right down to play with him. I just love people who are able to love other people's children! Their visit was lovely but when it was time for them to go, their mom said, "Children -it's time to go." And guess what they said (practically in unison!)? "Okay!" In my mind, my jaw dropped. But with their good behavior, I guess I wasn't really that surprised.

What a blessing that God places people like this in our lives, huh? I am so glad to meet someone with whom I can feel comfortable and share my journey as a mom and teacher as well as to find kids that my own kids enjoy so much. I am so glad that God provides friends!

Introducing.... a new bloggy friend!

I'm excited to welcome to the bloggy world a good friend and neighbor of mine!

Joyful Mama

We met online through No Greater Joy ministries and found out that we have many similar interests in addition to child-training. She and her dh have 5 wonderful kids (3 of them delivered at home) and she does an amazing job in her role as helpmeet and mother! I look to her as she plans and cooks whole, nutritious meals (full of raw milk, coconut oil, fermented foods, whole grains, homegrown veggies and other Nourishing Traditions types food). She is also a wonderful encourager to me as she works one year ahead of me in homeschooling 3 of her oldest children. She does not let fear keep her from letting her children learn and grow - she let's her boys try to be men and her girl to keep up with the boys while still being a lady. I love how laid back she is and how her love for her family literally shines from within her! I can tell that this is because she loves the Lord first and teaches her children by example.

She is a woman of good repute and godly character and I have been glad to get to know her over these few years. I know that our meeting was not by chance but a part of God's work! I hope that those who know me will join me in welcoming her to our fun and encouraging bloggin' network (only, that is, if you can get past the HUGE yellow dog at the front door! ;-0)!

Today is a NEW day!

I just want to take a moment to thank all who have encouraged me this week. I know that I am not the only SAHM who homeschools multiple kids and has rough days. Your comments have been very thoughtful and kind!

So here is what God has taught me in just 3 days time (oh, He is so good to answer prayer):

I am a "work-in-progress"!
I was reminded of this by Oswald Chambers this morning. He says, "His purpose is that I depend on Him an on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working toward a particular finish [as I often think]; His end is the process..." (from 'My Utmost For His Highest', emphasis mine). Wow, does this ever help place my efforts on today's work and today's obedience rather than focusing on my being dissatisfied or unhappy with what I have NOT yet become in what I think is His purpose for me (that being perfect servitude and exemplifying of Christ). Funny also that this runs into my second point.

My focus should be on God's mission for me, not on my "shadow" mission.
Think about it - am I focusing, day-to-day, on what God really tells me is important, or on what I have deigned to be important (my "shadow" mission)? My best friend Sheetal brought this up to me yesterday (again, God's good timing) and it opened my eyes to see where some of my spiritual 'symptoms' (ingratitude, self-pity, overwhelming feelings) were coming from. I know from the Word that relationships are one of the most important things in life. Not our job, where we live, our clothes, how we educate our kids, where we deliver our babies, our what we eat! But I have let especially homeschooling, become my "shadow" mission. After all, God called us to it and it's a great thing to do for our kids, right? But if the planning, lessons, researching, etc. all begin to come before the actual kids (relationships given to me by God), then my focus is off and I begin to show 'symptoms.' I am glad to be learning this lesson now, just prior to the start of our new schoolyear. Jesus loves each of the beautiful children that He made for me and He wants me to focus on their spirits as I educate them at home.

I need to say "yes" to the Lord, today.
I was moved by how the Holy Spirit spoke through a pastor's message on yesterday (and reinforced it with Chambers this morning). He spoke about 1 Thessalonians 5:19 "Do not quench the Holy Spirit." I was convicted about how often I say 'no' to the still, small voice of the Spirit in my life. "No, I will not apologize to dh - I was right after all," "No, I will not keep my voice down - I've told them a million times not to do that!", "No, it's too hard to be humble and too time consuming to be grateful", "No, I will not consider others before myself -I deserve this!" The more I do so, the more consequences I gain and I end up with "Not my best day ever" more and more often. But, God is faithful to reward even the smallest act of obedience in my life in big ways! I have seen this over and over in my life. And so, today I will listen and say "yes."

God always provides the support and encouragement that I need. I am so thankful that He never gives up on me and is always working His good purpose in my life (even if it sometimes takes a bulldozer instead of a tiny chisel to do!). I am ready for this new day that He has given me!