Saturday, July 26, 2008

Not my best day ever...

I live in this house and I feel like I never leave. I send the kids outside to get sun but don't have a minute to sit out and read or watch them. My weeds are up to my knees since I don't even go out to pull them - there is too much too be done inside. I don't go to stores or buy clothes for myself. The grocery run is an hour chore that is done only once in 2 weeks. I don't scrapbook or read books to relax. I don't meet up with a friend (and only a friend) for coffee and a chat.

I just cook and wash dishes and wipe faces and bums. I clean and fold laundry and pack and organize things. I find everything that is missing. I keep a million lists and details in my head so that the family continues to run. I read school books and websites about school books. The clutter is so very constant. I don't sleep in - ever. I don't 'vacation' since I am in charge of everything but directions and booking the sleeping location. I don't play the piano anymore.

I want a break and I want to see the sunshine. I would like a back rub. It would be nice to be camping and sitting by the fire with a book. But then - I would have to keep everyone fed and cleaned and healthy and have to tend to the house when I got back anyway.

I am not a Proverbs 31 woman.

I DO like this job. But some days I just don't. Everyone has a 'woe is me' moment or two. Thankfully, I believe in Jesus Christ who has promised me many good things. Tomorrow will be a new day and I will be happy to be washing a pot while my 2yo plays with the bubbles, the other 2 help with the utensils, and my baby babbles.....


Monica said...

Oh, the reality of being a mother. You hit the nail on the head here, my friend. I'll be praying that you get some much needed down time as well as see a glimpse of what a blessing you are to your family. They are who they are because of what you do in the everyday.

Do you really think that the "Proverbs 31 woman" didn't share these same frustrations? I think she must have.

Life With My 3 Boybarians said...

Oh, girlfriend. You need a girls' nite DQ run, or an afternoon at Barnes & Noble sipping coffee or tea.

really. You need it.

Humans aren't machines. We aren't meant to operate like machines.

If you were closer, I'd come kidnap ya' and take ya' for cheesecake and some girl talk. Hang in there. My mother and mother-in-law both swear we'll miss these years. I have no choice but believe them. ;)

Sharon said...

Have you read that passage from Proverbs lately? Go back and read it again. Yes, she does "set about her work vigorously", but that sounds pretty much like you. Yes, she "gets up while it is still dark", but I bet you've had a few nights like that too - and didn't you just say you never get to sleep in?

Read carefully and you will be surprised. There are a number of verses there that mention her strength, but none of them (that I could find) mention her positive attitude to the work at hand. Other than her just getting on with it, of course. And isn't that what you just described in yourself? ::I just cook and wash dishes and wipe faces and bums. I clean and fold laundry and pack and organize things.:: Yep, she sure got a lot done, but so do you!

The Proverbs 31 woman "can laugh at the days to come" but it says nothing about laughing at the day that is here right now. You have to bet that she was (well, we'll ignore the fact that she never existed for the moment, shall we) just as tired and strung out as you and I both get pretty much every day.

The truth is, being a home maker, mother, helpmeet, home schooler... all these things are big, important jobs which take time and energy. Remember where it says, "she does not eat the bread of idleness"? Notice it doesn't say "She never needs a rest to get her strength back for the next day." The truth is, we all do. We shouldn't molly coddle ourselves, but that is far from your situation.

Ask your husband for a day off, when you leave the house for the day and leave the kids with him. All day. Even if you have to make meals ahead of time or otherwise prepare before and pick up the pieces afterwards, it will be worth it. If your husband cannot do this for whatever reason, check out your local childcare centres for possibilities of once off day care and put them all in together just for one day. Or ask a good friend or rellie if they're nearby (I don't know your situation well enough to know which of these options will work best for you). Try and plan ahead with your husband how you can get an afternoon off once a month or so.

I get Jeff to drop me at Borders after church on occasional Sundays. He only has to put the littlies down for their naps when he gets home and the big kids spend the afternoon playing lego while they listen to the Bible on CD - no stress to him. Sometimes I meet with one or two other SAHM mums from church, other times I go alone. I catch a train home several hours later feeling a lot more ready for the task ahead of me. And the shock of all the mess when I get in the door is, for once, something I can cope with!

Make sure you take your Bible with you! The times that I get off, if I don't take my Bible I usually don't feel restored when I get home. The times I do take my Bible, and spend time reading it and praying, wow, I feel so much better when I get back home. I recommend Psalms 3, 23 and 100.

I have prayed for you, and I will continue to do so.

Love in Christ,

Jennifer@DoingTheNextThing said...

I agree with Sharon that you are, indeed a Prov. 31 woman! Everything you described is an example of you diligently caring for your family out of love.

I know whatcha mean about the burnout, though. It has really hit me this summer, too. Curious that it's summer, not school, that has me feeling this way. I'm praying we both figure it out. :) This is a hard season of life - having homeschooled kids plus little ones. There will always be more to do than we have time to do it.

That reason alone (that the job is never finished) has oddly made me more able to step away and take a break. If the work is never going to get finished anyway, what's the harm in taking 45 min in the afternoon to read a book just for fun? The days that I do that are much easier....

CC said...

I feel like this most the time, and I only have 2 kids! I'm sure I'd feel double that (at least) with 4!

Rebekah said...

I feel like this alot and I only have one kid. You are long over due for some you time. When I need a break really bad and I don't have plans to meet up with a friend I ask my husband to let me go to the grocery store by myself. There's something very relaxing about just walking up and down the aisles of a grocery store,and it's guilt free because you are completing a household chore. One that truly is a horrible chore when you have to tote the kids along. Thanks for stopping by my blog and for your comments! Have a blesses day!