I find it difficult to find the line between applying too much pressure to achieve unattainable goals for our kids' education and not enough to keep us moving along consistently towards our goals. More often than I slack, I push too hard - not allowing a lesson to get skipped due to 1 or more bad moods at the table and therefore causing undue stress to the student, who in reality is progressing more than well enough.
This brings me to think that I need to reassess our goals for this year.... or maybe not. Maybe I just need to keep them somewhere more visible to me so that I don't feel so easily frustrated or freaked out by missing or repeating a lesson. How else can I remind myself that my kids are doing just fine? I know logically that they are, but don't want to be so overly flexible with our lessons that we fall behind anywhere - especially since these foundational years are so crucial.
Maybe the pressure I place on myself and my kids is from a fear of failure. I surely can't blame another teacher if my child doesn't progress well enough. Or other kids if they pick up bad habits (such as my tendency to holler or inability to focus - yikes!). Since I know that my kids are doing well (I'm reading enough to know where they should be and seeing enough other students also) and I have well thought out goals for them, I'm afraid that this fear is simply a symptom of a lack of faith! After all, dh and I are making this time-consuming, against the grain educational choice for our kids because we feel that God wants us too do so. Why then would He not be faithful to provide wisdom and guidance to get our children where they need to be?
So my plan is to take the Thanksgiving weekend coming up to pray and refocus on our priorities around this little academy. I'll print out the year's goals as well as something physical (computer software provides this) to show how we've progressed and a list of to-do's along with re-do's. I need more sleep, less junkfood, and less tv. But above all, I must become more and more consistent in my prayer for this school. I know that I must give all that I am doing completely to the Lord so that He can carry the load and relieve me of this pressure that I bring upon myself.